I know that God speaks to us in a variety of ways. This past week He spoke to my heart by way of coincidence. Three times the expression 'Put on the Armor of God' came across my path: 1 while playing knight with Paxton, 2 Matt taught on it at youth group 3 (and most random) on a marquis sign at a Car Wash in Kearney. So as I was thinking about why on earth I'd hear that expression so many times in one week, I kept coming back to the biggest battle I'm facing personally: grieving over Addy. The hardest part for me at this point is I want to give God the control and believe that He will heal my heart...but the ache in my heart sometimes feels like the only connection that I still have to her. I no longer remember what she smelled like or trivial things like that. So I put the emotions on a shelf and there they sit until something knocks them off the shelf and I gotta deal with them. Well while Matt was teaching on the armor (Ephesians 6:10-18) he prompted the kids to picture a Roman soldier. Specifically the sword of the spirit. What did a Roman soldier's sword look like? Long and thin? Curved? He described it as being only 18-24 inches long...here's the kicker. He stated, "So you'd have to be pretty close to whoever you were fighting in order to do any good."
So this goes two ways for me. I gotta get close to the Lord and His sweet spirit. I gotta lean on Him and rely on him to work it out perfectly for my life. I know that only He has the power to both heal my heart and help me to remember my baby girl. Secondly, I can know longer keep this grieving process on a shelf. I gotta get up close and personal with it. Roll up my sleeves and take swipes and swings and stabs at this whole thing. Anyone ever seen Braveheart? That hand to hand battle isn't pretty and I don't imagine this will be either....but nothing got solved sitting on the sidelines right? I don't know what this is gonne look like but I do know that I have the beginnings of a willing heart....Oh speaking of heart...I was treating a patient the other day and she has a calendar with scripture on it. The day that I saw was Ezekiel 36:26...I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you; I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh....sounds like a good start to me.
Heavenly Father, I ask you to put a new heart in me...take this heart of stone and help me to be sensitive to your Spirit as I draw near to you. Help me to confront my fears and the hurts in 'hand to hand battle.' Help my journey to encourage others as they deal with hardships of life. Thank you for your promises in your Word. In your precious and wonderful name, Amen.