Yesterday was an emotional day. Yesterday was my last day of work. Yesterday I said good bye to patients and friends. Yesterday was the end of a three day funeral flower job. Yesterday was the funeral of a sweet lady I'm glad to be able to consider a friend.
So it's a little daunting to be done with working. In March of 2010, I knew that I needed to rejoin society and start working with patients again. I was at a point in my grief that if I didn't start taking steps to let my life keep moving forward I would have drowned so to speak. So I sought employment as a Physical Therapist Assistant for McMeen PT. Which I have loved! Caring for patients and helping others move forward physically has helped me to keep moving forward myself. After two years of working with a great team, I decided I was ready to be a stay at home mom and get back 'on plan.' So now today is a little overwhelming. As of today, I am responsible for making sure that I keep moving my family forward. I will be 'on my own' on those days when memories hit me and I want to pull the car over and curl up in a ball, instead of going on to see the patient I need to see. But I think I'll be able to lean on the Lord and on my family to help me keep going. Having the liberty to get out of the house on a walk or on an adventure with the kids will really help. I'm not scared of being home but I am a little nervous.
Emotions always run rampant surrounding the death of a dear friend, especially when that involves the honor of preparing the flowers for her funeral....and lack of sleep. Pat's family told us that she loved yellows and oranges, especially gladiolus and yellow roses. Pat was such a ray of sunshine to our community. As I think back on her I keep thinking about how she lived her life: working hard, staying true to herself, loving her family and supporting us 'young kids.' Those around Pat never wondered how she felt because she always shared her thoughts/opinions on the subject. It is evident by the fact that her funeral filled two churches, that she was loved in this community. It is so hard to think that she is gone. But when I see gladiolus and yellow roses, I will think of Pat and the sunshine that she brought to our lives. She's an example of how we should live our lives...working hard, staying active, smiling always and always adding sunshine to the lives of those around her. I will certainly miss seeing her white suburban and her smile and wave in town.
My favorite memory of Pat happened a couple of weeks ago...Pat was rarely at a loss of words; always ready to visit. Paxton and I were at the bank and he was dressed in full cowboy garb: head to toe. Pat said, "Well hello there cowboy! How are you today?" He responded by tipping his hat and saying, "Howdy Ma'am!" Not expecting such a big response she just stared at him and looked at me and said, "I don't even know what to say!" :) He made me so proud and gave us quite a little laugh that he shocked Pat so!
I know that as sad as it is to lose people and it's hard to go through loss and grief, I want to live my life as Pat did and touch the lives of those around me. Now that I don't have to be away from this great community to work, I can spend more time being involved. I don't want to live in the same town with people and yet not care about them. The preacher at Pat's funeral didn't have to say anything about Pat...they way she lived her life said it all. I heard once that we should live our lives in way that the preacher won't have to lie at our funeral. Pat's life was just that way. I'm so thankful for the comfort that she is in Heaven with Jesus...probably dancing with her husband.
Thank you for the example of your life, Pat. You will be truly missed.